The one core belief that holds guys back from having the success with women they desire is: “I am not good enough as I am”. This belief causes them to think that “If I am “good”, I will be loved, get my needs met and live a problem free life”.
This belief creates 2 behaviours:
- Approval Seeking
- Hiding Yourself
In this blog post, I am going to cover Approval Seeking Behaviour.
This is when guys attach to something to convince themselves and others that they are lovable and desirable. It could be anything like:
- Being Smart
- Having a Good Job
- Being Nice
- Appearing Unselfish
- Looking Good
When it comes to meeting & dating women this has two sides: Nice Guys & Pick Up Artists.
The Nice Guy believes if he can show a woman how nice he is she will like him. So he offers to buy her drinks, he will not say anything to offend her, agree with everything she says and so on.
The Pick Up Artist is the opposite side of the same coin. He believes he is “not good enough” and needs to rehearse lines, routines and strategies to over-ride his unlovable self.
Both of these guys view woman’s approval as the ultimate validation of their worth.
When a woman approves of them such as smiles, touches them, gives attention, flirts or has a desire to have sex with them, they are happy. If on the other hand, a woman is in a bad mood, depressed or showing low signs of interest they interpret these things as a sign that they are not good enough.
Moving from Approval Seeking to Self Approval
The most powerful thing you can do, to succeed with women is learn to approve of yourself. To live life on your terms. This means when you communicate with women you are real, unapologetic, you are setting the tone, you are naturally expressive and you are authentic.
AUTHENTICITY IS THE #1 APHRODISIAC FOR WOMEN
Here are some tips for moving from an Approval Seeking to Approving of Yourself:
- Identify Ways in Which You Seek Approval: Awareness Precedes Change so uncover the ways you attach to things to gain approval of others it could be success, money, good looks, being nice and so on.
- Take Good Care & Approve of Yourself: How Can You Take Good Care of Yourself? Exercise, Nutrition, Sleep, Following Your Passions, Seeking Challenges, Getting a Massage etc. Add to the List.
- Positive Affirmations: “I am Enough”, “All I Need Is Within Me Now”. Research your own positive affirmations and find the ones that feel right for you.
- Time Alone: There is no better way to find your authentic expression than travel. Being away from the norm means you are less likely to seek approval and more likely to do things that feels right for you.
- Support Groups: Build and Join groups where you can reveal yourself to safe people who will not judge you and allow your authentic expression.
Author: Brian Halpin
Brian is recognized as a leading expert in the personal development world today. He was awarded “Best New Dating Coach” in 2014 and continues to work alongside all the big names in the industry. His mission is to lead and inspire you to raise your standards and be your personal best year on year.