The fear of rejection is one of the main obstacles stopping men from having the success with women that they want. The fear mostly comes from being attached to an outcome. In other words, they are emotionally attached to the interaction going a certain way. It could be that they want a girlfriend, a sex partner, to be liked, to feel desired by women, to avoid loneliness or to avoid looking foolish in front of people.
This deep seated fear leads to a very ineffective dating strategy. It makes the person passive, anxious, they will play it safe, take no risks, conceal their intentions, eliminate all tension and in the worst case avoid women altogether.
Here is the thing, most self proclaimed Dating gurus will not tell you:
YOU WILL FAIL MORE THAN YOU SUCCEED!
Other Dating gurus will promise you “fail proof” methods, “one weird trick” that works every time and “sure fire” ways to get what you want. This puts people in a Hollywood fantasy land, where they think they will become a superstar while bypassing all the frustration and rejection. I’ve met most of these gurus in person and they couldn’t do anything that they claim they can do.
There is no way around the rejection or frustration. Rejection is an inevitable part of the dating process so rather than trying to avoid it, we should embrace it. More interactions with women will go nowhere than somewhere. Rejection is not a problem, it’s our emotional attachment to what that rejection means that causes the problem.
To overcome your fear of rejection I can suggest a number of ways. In this blog we will cover Two of them:
- Use Dating as a Scientific Experiment
- Rejection Therapy
Like most other guys, I had a crippling fear of rejection when it came to meeting and dating women. If a woman was showing interest in me, I would feel great but a “rejection” would hit me at my core and I would feel worthless and ineffective as a man. Why would you give so much power to women to define you or affect your mood? To combat this fear, I treated Dating like a Social Scientific Experiment.
For me this lower my anxiety, I wouldn’t take anything personal and it lead to me taking more action and gaining more experiences. Instead of being outcome orientated, I was process orientated. I also learned what works and what doesn’t.
I have found from my own experiment that a woman will either have high or low interest in wanting to be with you. There are some great women out there and there are some flaky women. Whether a woman has high or low interest in you is little to do with your worth as a man and more to do with them. So, don’t take it personally! Your job is just to test their interest level.
The other way of dealing with rejection is to consciously confront it. I first came across this concept of Rejection Therapy by a guy called Jia Jang. He created a YouTube series called “100 days of Rejection”.
This paradoxically approach is also used in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and the purpose is to show that by confronting the things that scare you most you will find that they don’t hurt or cause you the problems that you anticipated.
So when I found myself fearing being rejected by women I would force myself to get rejected by at least 5 women. This could be using a strange opening line or asking her out for coffee. By doing this I could be bolder, funnier, more outgoing and take more risks.
Author: Brian Halpin
Brian is recognized as a leading expert in the personal development world today. He was awarded “Best New Dating Coach” in 2014 and continues to work alongside all the big names in the industry. His mission is to lead and inspire you to raise your standards and be your personal best year on year.