How to Get Over Your Ex and Avoid the “Crush” Mentality

Did you ever experience what it is like to desire someone who doesn’t desire you? You know the feeling where you can’t stop thinking about them, you are thinking of things you will do in the future with her, you are re-playing past moments in your head, thinking about how sweet and perfect she is and listening to songs that remind you of her?

Deep down you know you should let her go but the feeling is so intense that you just can’t stop thinking about her.

A “crush” is a habit you have created in your brain. You feel this intense feeling because the brain cannot tell the difference between reality and something vividly imagined so the more you dwell on her, the good times, your future together  and so on, the stronger the feeling will be.

Guys who have a “crush” on a woman will think about them being together, having sex, having a future together, he vividly imagines what it would be like to have her in his life, he imagines her as being sweet, loving and the perfect partner. He imagines himself being the envy of other guys and can hear everyone tell him how lucky he is to have an attractive partner. He can smell her perfume, he listens to songs that remind him of her, looks at photos of her, cyber stalks her, talks about her all the time. All of this intensifies those feelings and it is all based on FANTASY RATHER THAN REALITY.


All your mind is focused on is the good points. It maximizes all the good stuff, all her good points and ignores all the bad stuff.

Your crush is all about your ego. You are holding onto the idea not because this woman actually serves you and adds value to your life. You are holding onto the idea because you think she increases your status, makes you look better in the eyes of other men and maybe family members,

Here is the thing, if you were to attract this woman into a relationship in this state, you would lose her anyway. You would build your life around her, you would “give” hoping to get in return, you would have no boundaries and eventually the relationship will get boring, she will leave you eventually and you will be devastated again.

I never develop “crushes” on women who do not have high interest in me. That is why I talk about testing for interest. If a woman, shows signs of low interest no matter how good looking, desirable or appealing she is, I just don’t entertain the thought of her.

To avoid developing “crushes” you should get to rejection quickly. So you can land an amazing relationship or you can get over it quickly and not dwell on something that is going nowhere.


If you are struggling to get over someone I am going to give you 3 suggestions:

  1. Obsess Appointments – I learned this from Dr.Robert Glover, this is where you give yourself permission to obsess about the person. Set aside 10 minutes and consciously obsess about her but once the 10 minutes are up you will consciously decide not to think about her until your next obsess appointment.
  2. The Big Picture – Instead of romanticizing all of the positives and fantasizing about the future, remind yourself of all the reasons that stopped you from having an intimate relationship.
  3. Connect Back to Your Masculinity – re-connect with positive male friends, pursue passions, seek out challenges, hit the gym. This obsession likely developed because you are lacking in certain areas of life.

As long as you are dwelling on a crush or an ex, it will be impossible to allow a new love into your life. She will sense this energy and lose trust in you. DON’T LET A WOMAN HOLD YOU BACK. Don’t rely on hope. If she is not with you now, act like it will be that way permanently. DON’T DWELL IN FANTASY, DWELL IN REALITY.

Author: Brian Halpin

Brian is recognized as a leading expert in the personal development world today. He was awarded “Best New Dating Coach” in 2014 and continues to work alongside all the big names in the industry. His mission is to lead and inspire you to raise your standards and be your personal best year on year.

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